I have never been an athlete per say. I have always been active though. I went to a college where we played a lot of different sports, almost every day. Looking back I realize how lucky I was; I don't excel at any sport, but there's no sport I'm terrible at either. Today, I consider myself a sports nomad, with the gym as a backbone.
Between the ages of 18 and 40, I didn't really play sports. At the beginning of my 20s, I joined the gym for a few 12 months to gain muscle mass. It was purely aesthetic. It had worked well. But then several jobs and formations followed and I stopped training.15 years flew by. Working as a cameraman, video editor, director, producer. Met my wife, become a father. I was always busy, always late for something. Until I was 39, when my body threw me into a wall.
A wall of incomprehension. Two ambulance trips to the emergency room in two weeks. Vomiting, fainting, tachycardia, extreme headache. My whole body reacted, all the symptoms overlapped, alternated, in a hellish cycle of 24-48 hours. Both times I was really well received in the emergency room. I took every test available to them. MRI, PET scan, blood test, viral test, x-ray.
The medical staff was really great: the support of the nurses, the attendants, the doctor who shared his thoughts with me and the strategy behind the tests I was given. Talking about the order in which we did them and explaining to me why. Even though everything was blurry, I felt really well supported.
Ultimately, not much came out of all these tests. It was a good news as well as a bad one,I didn't really know what I was fighting against.
With two young children and a very worried wife, I couldn't see myself remaining passive in the face of the situation. That's not my type either. I had work to do and lucky for me, I had time on my hands; the pandemic was beginning. I had mental space to focus on my problem and recreate energy in my body.
How did I do it? With a lot of help. A great wife, a physio, osteologists, an acupuncturist, a personal trainer, a stress management coach… An amalgamation of professionals. It was clear to me that to have more energy, I needed to move more. But at the time I just couldn't get into running, I had old injuries that were limiting me. For example, I couldn't run for more than 30 seconds without feeling stiffness in my knee.
Comes Marianne, my first trainer. Marianne is a contemporary dancer, Pilates teacher and certified Spinal trainer. She took me as I was. I remember doing half bridges for 3 months with a finger on my stomach telling myself; “Contract your abs, no contract, yes you have it, no there you have lost it, there yes, there no…” I had lost all connection with my core , I no longer knew how to engage my pelvic floor. I was completely out of sync. With patience and creativity, she allowed me to find a lost naturalness . As I evolved, I discovered that my back pain was not related to a back problem. I had a sheathing problem; my back was working all the time to compensate. And this core problem was partly responsible for my knee pain when running, a pain that no longer exists.
I wanted to get out of it. Getting out of my hole self, getting out of the cycle of hurt. Slowly, I began to see that I was not condemned to this body of discomfort . I saw that there was hope and that was what I had always lacked. To move. Learn to move well again. But thought the exercises I was doing were boring...
I came across an interview with David Goggins on Rich Roll's podcast . If you don't know Rich, I invite you to listen to him. The person and his guests are a great source of inspiration to me and I will refer to them often. So comes this Mr Goggins, a colorful character, rude but authentic. I am intrigued by part of his story: when he talks about his change in mentality regarding effort when he wants to join the Marines but being 100 pounds overweight prevents him from qualifying. His process is extreme, even dangerous. I am not inviting anyone to undertake this kind of transformation. But his ability to change his perceptions of effort inspired me a lot.
I couldn't do any power exercise without injuring myself. I couldn't run, I couldn't bench press screaming, I couldn't squat manly, I couldn't let off steam and experience the momentum that sport can bring. In short, no heroic “montage” of me lifting increasingly heavy weights with big motivating beats in the background and experiencing a cool transformation over 3 months.
I could just do some flat physio exercises alone. Pilates rehabilitation with Marianne was fun, but it was once a week. Otherwise, I was alone most of the time, taking my little steps . I was far from having my Rocky Balboa moment... But inspired by Goggins, I realized that my perception of myself was my limitation, I had to change it, create a new identity for myself: I will become the one who loves physio exercises .
Rehabilitation and flat exercises, I'll eat it. With a smile, dedication, patience, and a knife between my teeth. I will make the most beautiful half-bridges that the earth has seen. Oh look at me doing all my flat exercises twice a day. I actually don't care if I don't run. What I do for a living is half bridges. Perineum engaged, rolls the pelvis, Go Guillaume, lifts by engaging the transverse... Look at my round cat backs, with my beautiful controlled breathing, will be so beautiful that...
The moment came when my girlfriend was rather anoyed to see me stretching everywhere. In the living room. In the bedroom. In the kitchen. Pigeon on the island at lunch. With my big, noisy breaths, my eyes closed tightly for concentration. She was trying to listen to a film while I activated the massage gun to relax my quads... Yes, when I'm motivated, it can turn into obsession and I become super focused. Until one day she clearly told me it wasn't working. She didn't understand what was happening, she was worried, but above all, it was becoming really overwhelming for her. She was right.
It was then that I realized that I had changed and that I owed him an explanation. I had to reveal myself, I told him:
“Honey, I became a sportperson”
Looking back, it was a big revelation for me. Through my fitness, I had created a new identity for myself. Yes! I have now become the guy who plays sports. By naming me and recognizing me, we were able to create a space where I lived this new identity and it became less invasive for my wife. I started doing more and more sports. Outside the house. I eventually managed to run without getting hurt. To squat, to do deadlifts with manly sounds during exercise and finally to be able to let off some steam. Experience the effort/happiness contrasts that only sport can offer.
My wife also supported me in my career transition, even though it was a lot to ask of her. I came to resuscitate the sportswoman in her too I think. I also think I have become a better person. In any case, I am more serene.
As I write these lines I realize how far I have come. Of this new personality that I discovered in myself. Because I still get injured, less and less fortunately and the healing is faster. As Ido Portal (another odd bird, a little strange, here in an interview with Andrew Huberman ) says, “at the gym it is possible that we sometimes get a little injured, but that prevents us from major injuries outside”.
I feel the progress. Now when I get injured, it becomes an opportunity to work on something else. Shoulder pain? I will have legs of fire. Leg pain too? I would have the strongest ankle bones in North America. Injured ankle? Watch carefully how I'm going to train my core ... You can always train something . And the wheel turns, life flows, as long as we keep moving.
Why am I telling all this? I tell my story to make it my own. I tell it to share it with you, hoping that it inspires you, that it encourages you to change your story if it no longer suits you . To discover or rediscover yourself active. To rediscover this lost naturalness. To become that person who takes care of their body, who takes care of their head. To be that person who loves.
Mood follows action.
Get moving friends, go get help where you need it,
Guillaume
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